The Female Demerit System

In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
*You make the bed (+1)
*You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
*You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
*You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8 ) But return with Beer (-5)
*You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
*You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
*You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
*You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
*It's her pet (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
*You stay by her side the entire party (+1)
*You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
*Named Tina (-10)
*Tina is a dancer (-20)
*Tina has silicon implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
*You take her out to dinner (+2)
*You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)
*Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
*And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
*It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
*You take her to a movie (+1)
*You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
*You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
*You take her to a movie you like (-2)
*It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
*You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
*You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
*You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it(+10)
*You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
*You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

THE BIG QUESTION
*She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you lose points no matter what your answer is]
*You hesitate in responding (-10)
*You reply, "Where?" (-35)
*Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
*When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
*You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
*You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
*She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

Minum air dingin

Hati2 buat yang suka minum air dingin setelah makan...

Sakit Jantung dan Minum Air Hangat....

Artikel ini sangat bagus. Tidak hanya mengenai minum air hangat setelah makan, tapi juga tentang serangan jantung. Ini masuk akal... orang Cina dan orang Jepang minum teh panas dengan makanan mereka.. bukan air dingin.. mungkin sudah waktunya kita mengadaptasi kebiasaan minum air hangat seperti mereka..

Ga rugi.. malah untung..
Untuk mereka yang suka minum air dingin, artikel ini cocok untuk anda.

Memang enak untuk minum secangkir minuman dingin setelah makan. Tapi, air dingin akan mengeraskan makanan berminyak yang baru saja dimakan. Dan memperlambat pencernaan makanan. Ketika endapan ini bereaksi dengan asam lambung, endapan akan terpecah dan diserap oleh usus lebih cepat daripada makanan padat. Ini akan memenuhi usus. Sebentar saja, ini akan berubah menjadi lemak dan bisa mengakibatkan kanker.

Paling baik meminum/memakan sup panas atau air hangat setelah makan.

Catatan serius mengenai serangan jantung:
Tidak semua gejala serangan jantung adalah sakit pada lengan kiri. Waspadalah jika ada rasa sakit yang terus menerus pada rahang.

Mungkin kita tidak akan mengalami rasa sakit dada pertama ketika terjadinya serangan jantung. Rasa mual dan keringat yang berlebihan juga adalah gejala yang umum dijumpai. 60% dari mereka yang terkena serangan jantung ketika tidur tidak terbangun.

Rasa sakit di rahang bisa membangunkan kita dari tidur nyenyak. Berhati-hatilah dan berwaspada. Semakin banyak kita tahu, semakin baik kesempatan kita untuk selamat.

Seorang ahli jantung mengatakan jika mereka yang mendapatkan email ini mengirimkannya lagi ke 10 orang lainnya, kita bisa menyelamatkan sedikitnya 1 nyawa. Bacalah, ini bisa menyelamatkan hidup anda.
Jadilah teman sejati dan kirimkan artikel ini ke semua teman yang kamu sayangi.

Kisses and gestures

What kisses mean...
-Kiss on the stomach: I'm ready.
-Kiss on the forehead: I hope we're together forever.
-Kiss on the ear: You're my everything.
-Kiss on the cheek: We're friends.
-Kiss on the hand: I adore you.
-Kiss on the neck: We belong together.
-Kiss on the shoulder: I want you.
-Kiss on the lips: I love you.

What gestures mean...
-Holding Hand: We definitely like each other.
-Slap on the butt: That's mine. (preferably not to be done except to your husband/wife, unless you want to be considered a lecher)
-Holding on tight: I don't want to let go.
-Looking into each other's eyes: I just plain like you.
-Playing with Hair: Tell me you love me.
-Arms around the Waist: I like you too much to let go.
-Laughing while kissing: I am completely comfortable with you.

Advice:
Don't ask for a kiss, take one.
If you were thinking about someone while reading this, you're definitely in Love.

What my mother had taught me...

# My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
# My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
# My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
# My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
# My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
# My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
# My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
# My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
# My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
# My mother taught me about PATIENCE.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
# My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
# My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
# My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
# My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
# My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
# My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
# My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
# My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way."
# My mother taught me ESP .
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
# My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
# My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
# My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
# My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
# My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
# And my favorite : my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Two degree course to be a man

A new two-year degree is being offered at the University that many of you should be interested in:

Becoming a Real Man.
That’s right, in just six mini-semesters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn an MA
degree. (Male Arts)
Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101: Combating Stupidity
MEN 102: You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103: PMS-Learn To Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104: We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas

Winter Schedule:
MEN 110: Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111: Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am
MEN 112: Parenting: It Doesn’t End with Conception
EAT 100: Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101: Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A: What’s Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120: How NOT to Act Like an Ar*e When You’re Wrong
MEN 121: Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122: YOU, The Weaker Sex
MEN 123: Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C: What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101: You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102: Morning Dilemma: If It’s Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103: How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201: How To Put the Toilet Seat Down

(Elective)
(See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:
MEN 210: The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211: How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212: You, Too, Can be a Designated Driver
MEN 213: Honest, You Don’t Look Like Brad Pitt
MEN 230A: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries are Important

Spring Schedule:
MEN 220: Omitting %&*!@ from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221: Fluffing the Blanket after Farting Is NOT Necessary
MEN 222: Real Men Ask For Directions
MEN 223: Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries are Important II

Course Electives:
EAT 102: Cooking with Tofu
EAT 103: Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103: Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231: Mothers-In-Law
MEN 232: Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233: Just Say “Yes, Dear”
ECON 001C: Cheaper to Keep Her

Just a thought for all the women out there.
MENtal Illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnocologist (poetic spelling)
And when we have real trouble, it’s a HISterectomy
Ever notice how all of women’s problems start with men?

Share this to all women you know (and men with a sense of humour) and brighten up their day!!

How to marry a rich guy..

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I' m going to say here. I' m 25 this year.
I'm very pretty, have style and good taste.
I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.
You might say that I 'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high.
Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary?
Are you all married?

I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?
Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit.
If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York
City Garden ( ? ), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names
and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I 've met a
few girls who doesn 't have looks and are not interesting, but they are
able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your
girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

Here 's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:

Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls
out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze
your situation as a professional investor.
My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry
you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.
Put the details aside, what you 're trying to do is an exchange of 'beauty ' and 'money '

Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.
However, there' s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my
money will not be gone without any good reason.
The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can 't be prettier year after year.

Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It ' s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation.
If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating
with you is also a ' trading position' . If the trade value dropped we
will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term ... same
goes with the marriage that you wanted.

It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or ' lease' . Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you.

I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.
This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in 'leasing' services, do contact me.

signed, J.P. Morgan

Why beer is better than religion

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.
4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.
3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a Beer.
1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help.

Funny quotes

"A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist" ~Franklin Jones.

"When I was young I used to think that wealth and power would bring me happiness. I was right" ~Gahan Wilson.

"If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem." ~J. Paul Getty.

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." ~Frank Sinatra

"When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading." ~Henny Youngman

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case....Coincidence? I think not." ~Stephen Wright

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" ~Brian O'Rourke

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~Benjamin Franklin

"BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!! " ~"Unknown"

Facts about Christmas

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. But there ARE 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has seen.
2. There are 2 billion children (under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn`t appear to handle Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist and Jewish children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total- 378 million or so. At an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west. This works out to 822.6 visits per second.
   • This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining gifts under the tree, eat the snacks, get back up the chimney, get back in the sleigh, and move on to the next house.
   • Assuming that each of these 91.8 million homes are distributed evenly (which we know to be false but for the sake of these calculations we will accept) we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops.
   • This means that Santa`s sleigh is traveling at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe moves at a poky 27.4 MPS; the average reindeer runs at 15 MPH.
4. The sleigh's payload adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.
   • On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point one) could pull TEN TIMES the usual amount, we can not do the job with 8 or even 9. We need 214,000 reindeer. This increases the weight, not even counting the sleigh, to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison this is 4 times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth 2.
5. A mass of 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer in the same manner as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.
   • In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the next pair of reindeer, and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousands of a second.
   • Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times the force of gravity. A 300 pound Santa would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

Conclusion: Even though there was a Santa, he would be dead by now.
Merry Christmas!

Socrates: the Three Filters

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance. The acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to say to me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and...."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.
"Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary...."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really...."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why he never found out that Plato was banging his wife.

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes

[Must read out loud]

1) That's not right………………………….Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harbouring a fugitive…………..Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP…………………………Kum Hia

4) Stupid Man……………………………….Dum Gai

5) Small Horse………………………………Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach…………………Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped the coffee table……………….Ai Bang Mai Ni

8) I think you need a face lift………………..Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here……………………Wai So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet…………….Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone………………….No Pah King

12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week………Wai Yu Kum Nao

13) Staying out of sight……………………..Lei Ying Lo

14) He's cleaning his automobile……………Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odor is offensive…………….Yu Stin Ki Pu

Rules for dating my daughter

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waistline.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing some kind of “barrier method" can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating my daughter. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places
where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, a backhoe, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid, Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. Or a fighter jet over the desert in Kuwait. When my Agent Orange or other things I have been exposed to start acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Human life

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"
And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

Truths about life that little children have learned

* No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

* When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.

* If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

* Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.

* You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

* Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.

* Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

* Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

* Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.

* School lunches stick to the wall.

* You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

* Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. No matter how cute the underwear is.

Advice for ladies

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section...
Buy a dog.

If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you...
Buy a dog.

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it...
Buy a dog

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want...
Buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies...
Buy a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores...
Buy a dog.

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually...
Buy a dog.

But, on the other hand, If you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness...
Then................. Buy a cat !!!

If you love somebody...

I always thought the original saying was, "If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back to you, it wasn't yours to begin with."
However, for the purposes of this test, let's use the proposed version. In which category do *you* fall?

"The Old Version"
If you love somebody, Set him free...
If he comes back, he's yours,
If he doesn't, he never was....

"The New Versions"

Pessimist
If you love somebody, Set him free ...
If he ever comes back, he's yours,
If he doesn't, well, as expected, he never was.

Optimist
If you love somebody, Set him free ...
Don't worry, he will come back.

Suspicious
If you love somebody, Set him free ...
If he ever comes back, ask him why.

Impatient
If you love somebody, Set him free ...
If he doesn't comes back within some time forget him.

Patient
If you love somebody, Set him free ...
If he doesn't come back, continue to wait until he comes back ...

Playful
If you love somebody, Set him free ...
* If he comes back, and if you love him still, set him free again,
repeat *

Vengeful
If you love somebody, Set him free...
If he doesn't come back,
Hunt him down and shoot him.

C++ Programmer
if(you-love(m_him)) m_him.free()
if(m_he == NULL)
m_he= new CHe;

Animal-Rights Activist
If you love somebody, Set him free...
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Lawyers
If you love somebody, Set him free...
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment of the Matrimonial
Freedom Act clearly states that...

Bill Gates
If you love somebody, Set him free...
If he comes back, I think we can charge him for re-installation fees and tell him that he's also going to get an upgrade.

Biologist
If you love somebody, Set him free...
He'll evolve.

Statistician
If you love somebody, Set him free...
If he loves you, the probability of him coming back is high,
If he doesn't, your relation was improbable anyway.

Schwarzenegger's Fan
If you love somebody, Set him free...
HE'LL BE BACK!

Overpossessive
If you love somebody don't set him free.

HR Specialist
If you love somebody set him free
By Offering him VRS and othim benefits, then outsource him.

MBA
If you love somebody set him free...
instantaneously...and look for him simultaneously

Psychologist
If you love somebody set him free...
If he comes back, him super ego is dominant
If he doesn't come, back him id is supreme
If he doesn't go, he must be crazy.

Somnambulist
If you love somebody set him free...
If he comes back, it's a nightmare
If he doesn't, you must be dreaming.

Rhett Butler
If you love somebody set YOURSELF FREE
If he asks you why say you don't give a damn.

ERP Functional Expert
If you love somebody set him free...
If he comes back, map him into your system
If he doesn't, carry out a gap-fit analysis

Finance Expert
If you love somebody set him free...
If he comes back, its time to look fresh loans.
If he doesn't, write him off as an asset gone bad.

Marketing Expert
If you love somebody set him free...
If he comes back, he has brand loyalty
If he doesn't, reposition the brand in new markets.

1. People who use their "brain" to work or students who study hard day and night.
--- should drink more chrysanthemum Tea.

2. People who need a lot of body energy to work or those people that do a lot of exercise everyday.
--- should drink Wu Loong Tea.

3. People who travel on a bike or work in dirty and polluted places.
--- should drink Green Tea.

4. For people who likes to sit down all day long and not doing anything even exercising.
--- must drink Green Tea and Flower Tea.

5. People who smoke and drink a lot of alcoholic drinks.
--- should drink more Green Tea.

6. Carnnivore ( those people who must eat meat at least once a day, or feel sick or not
feeling well)
--- try to drink some Wu Loong Tea.

7. People who go to the washroom too often or too less.
--- should drink more Honey Tea

8. People with high cholesterol and high blood pressure.
--- Wu Loong Tea, Green Tea.

9. Those who work with computers everyday.
--- need to drink a Lot of Tea (any tea will do).
Whenever you are working with the computer, you should make some tea, drink it when you are free.

Drinking tea is healthy, it can protect and prevent the harmful ultraviolet light from harming us (when using computer).
Furthermore, it can also cure us when we are tired and help making our body feel fresh again.

All of us know that soyabean drink provides good protein to our body... but many of us doesn't know that there are certain days we should avoid. Soyabean drinks are best consume on hot sunny days where the sun is burning and glaring. The soya milk will gives lots of nutrients to the body, as the body is able to absorb the protein well.
However, Avoid the drink when the weather is cloudy or raining. Taking the drink in these weathers, the body will not be able to take in the protein thus will result in a disease called "GOUT" or "high acidic urine" due to the high protein residue in the body, after a long run. This disease will cause pain to your knee joints and it will only be in control when you control your food intake of proteins and medications.
The pain is unbearable and usually you will have no idea what you have taken to cause the pain. Food like soya beans, ikan bilis, broccoli, spinach, peanuts, animal organs ( i.e. pork
liver) etc will have to be avoided to prevent the pain from attacking.

So my friends, pass this to your family, relatives and friends to keep an alert of the pros and cons of soyabean milk and when it is to be taken and avoid.