Saturday, September 30, 2006

Three Little Pigs

One day the nursery school teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read, "..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?" The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that man said?'
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy ****! A talking pig!' "

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

Friday, September 29, 2006

What race was Jesus actually?


1. He went into his father's business.
2. He lived at home until the age of 33.
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.

1. He never got married.
2. He never held a steady job.
3. His last request was a drink.

...Puerto Rican:
1. His first name was Jesus.
2. He was always in trouble with the law.
3. His mother did not know who his father was.

1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.

1. He called everybody brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

But the most compelling evidence of all - proof that Jesus was a WOMAN:
1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2 . He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. Even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work for him to do.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Weird letter --very weird letter

My dear Jagjit,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

We are not living where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.

I am not able to send the address, as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet. But I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

By the way, I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece we should remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.


P.S : Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

1. People who use their "brain" to work or students who study hard day and night.
--- should drink more chrysanthemum Tea.

2. People who need a lot of body energy to work or those people that do a lot of exercise everyday.
--- should drink Wu Loong Tea.

3. People who travel on a bike or work
in dirty and polluted places.
--- should drink Green Tea.

4. For people who likes to sit down
all day long and not doing anything even exercising.
--- must drink Green Tea and Flower

5. People who smoke and drink a lot of
alcoholic drinks.
--- should drink more Green Tea.

6. Carnnivore ( those people who must
eat meat at least once a day, or feel sick or not
feeling well)
--- try to drink some Wu Loong Tea.

7. People who go to the washroom too
often or too less.
--- should drink more Honey Tea

8. People with high cholesterol and
high blood pressure.
--- Wu Loong Tea, Green Tea.

9. Those who work with computers
--- need to drink a Lot of Tea (any
tea will do).
Whenever you are working with the
computer, you should make some tea, drink it when you are free.

Drinking tea is healthy, it can
protect and prevent the harmful ultraviolet light from harming us (when using computer).
Furthermore, it can also cure us when
we are tired and help making our body feel fresh again.

All of us know that soyabean drink
provides good protein to our body... but many of us doesn't know that there are certain days we should avoid. Soyabean drinks are best consume on hot sunny days where the sun is burning and glaring. The soya milk will gives lots of nutrients to the body, as the body is able to absorb the protein well.
However, Avoid the drink when the weather is cloudy or raining. Taking the drink in these weathers, the body will not be able to take in the protein thus will result in a disease called "GOUT" or "high acidic urine" due to the high protein residue in the body, after a long run. This disease will cause pain to your knee joints and it will only be in control when you control your food intake of proteins and medications.
The pain is unbearable and usually you
will have no idea what you have taken to cause the pain. Food like soya beans, ikan bilis, broccoli, spinach, peanuts, animal organs ( i.e. pork
liver) etc will have to be avoided to prevent the pain from attacking.

So my friends, pass this to your
family, relatives and friends to keep an alert of the pros and cons of soyabean milk and when it is to be taken and avoid.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Tax collector

Little Johnny was playing with his father's wallet when he accidentally swallowed a quarter. He went crying to his mom, choking on the quarter.

They took him to a doctor, who said that the quarter was impossible to remove without surgery, they consulted a specialist who was of the same opinion. Then came a man who said he could get the money out in a jiffy.

He turned little Johnny upside down and patted him with great precision on the back of neck and, sure enough, the quarter rolled out. Everyone was amazed, the father said, "You must be an expert!"

The man replied, "No sir, I'm just a tax collector."

Monday, September 25, 2006

The end of the world

God was fed up. In a crash of thunder he yanked up to Heaven three influential humans: Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin and Bill Gates. "The human race is a complete disappointment," God boomed. "You each have one week to prepare your followers for the end of the world." With another crash of thunder they found themselves back on Earth.

Clinton immediately called his cabinet. "I have good news and bad news," he announced grimly. "The good news is that there is a god. The bad news is, God's really mad and plans to end the world in a week."

In Russia, Yeltsin announced to parliament, "Comrades, I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that we were wrong: there is a god after all. The worse news is God's mad and is going to end the world in a week."

Meanwhile, Bill Gates called a meeting of his top engineers. "I have good news and better news. The good news is that God considers me one of the three most influential men on Earth," he beamed. "The better news is we don't have to fix the bugs in Windows 95."