The foreigner

Once there was a man that came from Russia to America, He couldn't speak English so he went to choir and learned how to say "Me me me me me me."
Then he went to the store and saw a little girl say "He stole my dolly."
And on his way home he went to get meat from the butcher and learned how to say "Big butcher knife big butcher knife."
Then he went home and watched an air freshener commercial and learned how to say "Plug it in Plug it in."

Then he went to the store and there was a murder the police said "Who killed this man?"
The foreigner said "Me me me me me me me."
The police said "Why did you kill him?"
And the man said "He stole my dolly."
The police man said "What did you kill him with?"
The man said "Big butcher knife big butcher knife."
Then they took him to jail and sentenced him to death.
The police man said "any last words?" And the foreigner said "Plug it in plug it in."

Patriotic house

Barn Insurance

Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company and told them, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money."
The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."

Stranded on a deserted island

So two people are stranded on a deserted island, they're tired and semiconscious. They find this bottle, rub it and out goes a Genie. He tells them that he'll fulfill each one wish.
The first one, ecstatic, goes "I want to go home." Poof and he's gone.
The Genie turns to the other guy and asks him "And what's your wish?"
Looking around and feeline alone, he said, "I want the other guy to come back here."

Jim Carrey-Gaga

Norway little jokes

Q: Why did the Norwegian crawl on the floor through the supermarket?
A: Because they’re looking for the low prices.

Q: Why do Norwegian garbage trucks drive so fast?
A: The drivers are scared of getting robbed.

Q: Why did the Norwegian bring a rolled-up piece of sandpaper to the desert?
A: Thought it was a map.

Q: How do you sink a Norwegian submarine?
A: Scuba-dive down and knock on the door.

Q: How do you sink a Norwegian submarine again?
A: Dive down and knock on the door again. Wait for them to open the window and say, "You aren't fooling us this time!"

Q: How do you sink a Danish submarine?
A: Dive down and knock on the window. Wait for them to open the door and say, "Come on, who do you take us for? Norwegians?"

Q: How do you sink a Swedish submarine?
A: Give it a Norwegian crew.

Q: How do you say "genius" in Norway?
A: Tourist.