Saturday, November 11, 2006

Friday, November 10, 2006

What kind?

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked : "What kind of "-ese" are you ?"
The Japanese, confused and replied, "
Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of "-ese" are you ?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.
The American, now irritated, then yell, "What kind of -ese are you?? Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, etc.........?"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I'm a Japanese !"

A while later, the Japanese turned to the American and asked, " What kind of "-key" are you ?"
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What you mean what kind of "-key" I am ?"
The Japanese said, " Are you a monkey, donkey or a Yankee?"

Thursday, November 09, 2006

A blonde dieting

A very heavy blonde went to the clinic to lose weight. The Doctor told her to eat what she normally ate for three days, then skip a day. Come back in four weeks and you will have lost at least 4 pounds.
She came back four weeks later, 30 pounds lighter! The Doctor looked at her surprised and said "How do you feel now"?
I'm so sore and tired. My muscles ache all over!
Doctor: From not eating?
Blonde: No from skipping!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Broken bones

A blonde walks into a doctor's office and tells the doctor she's broken every single bone in her body. "That's impossible!" says the doctor.
The blonde says, "No, it's really true. Look!"
She then touches her leg with her index finger and screams "Ouch!"
Then she touches her arm and yells "Eeeeoooow!"
Finally she touches her ribs and can barely maintain her composure
as the tears start to roll down her face.
She says, "See, I told you I broke every bone in my body."
The doctor rubs his chin, then conducts a thorough examination.
"Well, miss," he tells her,
"I've got some good news and some ba
d news.
The good news is, you haven't broken every bone in your body.
The bad news is, you've broken your finger."

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:
"God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, and goodbye grandpa."
The father said, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. Father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless mommy, God bless daddy and good-bye grandma.
Next day the grandmother died.

My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:
"God bless mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock. Couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be OK. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch."
The mailman was the father :)

Monday, November 06, 2006