Saturday, February 24, 2007


Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Shelly. Shelly was very girly and liked wearing pretty skirts. She wore skirts every day.
One day at school, a young boy named Sam asked Shelly to climb on the jungle gym. So Shelly did.
When Shelly got home, she told her mom about her day, and included the part about the jungle gym.
"Shelly, don't do that. He might just be trying to look at your underwear." said her mother.
What the big deal was, Shelly didn't understand.
The next day Sam asked Shelly to climb on the jungle gym again. So she did.
Shelly again told her mother about her day, including the jungle gym moment.
"Didn't I tell you, young lady?" fumed her mother. "He just wants to see your underwear!"
"But Mommy, I tricked him," said Shelly. "Today I didn't wear any underwear!"

Friday, February 23, 2007

Grave misunderstanding

Two friends are out hunting. Suddenly, one falls to the ground, eyes fading. The other calls 911. The operator picks up. "My friend is dead! Hurry up and take him to the hospital!" The operator responds, "Wait.. chill out. First, make sure that he's dead. There is momentary silence, then a gunshot.
The friend says, "Ok. What's next?"

Thursday, February 22, 2007

The panda and the prostitute

A little panda bear goes into a pros-house. He goes into a bed with one of the female pros. He begins giving her oral. Da pros. wakes up halfway. She is about to chase the panda bear away, but decides to let him finish cuz it feels so good.

He finishes.. and starts to leave.
"Wait", she says, "you didn't pay me yet!" The panda bear shrugs and continues walking out. She then holds up a dictionary. Look here! The panda bear comes back. She flips to prostitute, "Someone who gets money for services done with body" The little panda bear just shrugs and goes to the definition of panda bear. "eats bushes and leaves."

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Son of a...

A little boy was doing his maths homework.

He said to himself, "Two plus five, the son of a bitc... is seven.
Three plus six, the son of a bitc... is nine..."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my maths homework, Mom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in maths?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the son of a bitc... is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,

"What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

Monday, February 19, 2007

How you survive with twice a year

A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

"Just where the heck do you think you're going!", said the man.

"I'm going to Las Vegas", said the wife, "I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!"

The man said, "Wait a minute!", and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

"Where the heck are you going?", said the wife.

The man said, "I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!"

Sunday, February 18, 2007


By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND "TANJOOBERRYMUTTS" ... and be ready for China.
In order to continue getting-by in China, we need to learn English the way it is spoken...... ......... ........
Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TANJOOBERRYMUTTS".
With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.
Now, here goes...
The following is a telephonic exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and room-service today......
Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
Room Service: "Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"
Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?"
Guest: ".....What??"
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?!?... Pryed, boyud, pochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry... Scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow ulai dee bayken? Creepse?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "An toes. Ulai sahn toes?"
Guest: "I.... Don't think so.."
RoomService: "No? Udo wan sahn toes???"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan sahn toes' means."
RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Uoo don wan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we botter?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine... Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RoomService: "We botter?"
Guest: "No, just put the botter on the side."
RoomService: "Wad?!?"
Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."
RoomService: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"
RoomService: "Copy...tea . . . meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."
RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken, Anglish moppin, we botter on sigh and copy... Rye??"
Guest: "Whatever you say."
RoomService: "Tanjooberrymutts."
Guest: "You're welcome."

Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND
and you do, don't you!”