What my mother had taught me...

# My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
# My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
# My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
# My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
# My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
# My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
# My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
# My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
# My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
# My mother taught me about PATIENCE.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
# My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
# My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
# My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
# My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
# My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
# My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
# My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
# My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way."
# My mother taught me ESP .
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
# My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
# My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
# My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
# My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
# My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
# And my favorite : my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"