6 Phases of Work

Phase 1

You are listening to jazz -- Your first day at work is great. Your coworkers are wonderful, your cubicle is cute, and your boss is the best!

Phase 2

You are listening to pop music -- After a while you are so busy that you are not sure if you're coming or going anymore.

Phase 3

You are listening to heavy metal -- This is what you feel like at month end.

Phase 4

You are listening to hip hop -- You become bloated due to stress, feel sluggish and suffer from constipation. Your coworkers are too cheerful for your liking and the walls of your cubicle are closing in. You have started thinking 'WHATEVER' about your boss.

Phase 5

You are listening to GANGSTA RAP -- After more time passes, your eyes start to twitch, you forget what a 'good hair day' feels like as you just fall out of bed and load up on caffeine.

Phase 6

You are listening to the voices in your head -- You have build a makeshift door on your cubicle to keep people out, You have a dartboard with your bosses picture on it in your cube. You wonder why you are even here in the first place.

Horrible celebrity tattoos

Ryan Cabrera's Ryan Gosling.

ke$sha's suck it.

Scarlett Johansson's horse shoe.

Lindsay Lohan's red triangle
and "what dreams may come".

Cheryl Cole's roses.

Harry Styles' butterfly on the stomach.

Girl at the beach

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot.   One summer they noticed a girl who  was at the beach almost every day.  She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around and then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off.   But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something that she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know
for sure, they decided to just continue watching her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"   He hadn't and said so.

Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach.  Then we can find out what she's really doing."

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave..   The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.

"Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.  "No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more
than he should have.

"Well, what is it then?  What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesperson."

"Batteries?" cried the wife..

"Yes!" he replied.

"She Sells C Cells by the Seashore!"

The language of the minion

Painful at one moment

Beautiful one moment

Actuary and the Farmer

*A person who compiles and analyses statistics and uses them to calculate insurance risks and premiums.

An actuary and a farmer were travelling by train. When they passed a flock of sheep in a meadow, the actuary said, "There are 1248 sheep out there." The farmer replied, "Amazing. By chance, I know the owner, and the figure is absolutely correct. How did you count them so quickly?" The actuary answered, "Easy, I just counted the number of legs and divided by four.