Alternative Therapy

A pharmacist returs from his lunch break to find a man leaning heavily against the wall, looking terrified. "What's wrong with that guy?" he asks his recently hired blonde clerk.
"Well, he came in just after you left," she says. "He's got a cough, but since I couldn't find the cough syrup, I prescribed him an entire bottle of laxative."
"You idiot," yells the pharmacist. "You can't treat a cought with laxative!"
"Yes, you can," responds the blonde, indignantly.
"Look at him - he's been too afraid to cough ever since he drank it!"

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

For wine drinker..

A man goes to a famous restaurant in Paris with his girlfriend and orders the 1928 Mouton.
The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount in the glass for tasting.

The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down on the table with a thud. "This is not the 1928 Mouton!"

The waiter assures him it is, and soon there are another twenty people surrounding the table, including the chef and the manager trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton.
Finally someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.
"My name is Philippe de Rothschild, and I make the wine."

Finally, the manager steps forward and admit that he replaced the 1928 Mouton with Clerc Milon 1928 while claiming it as 1928 Mouton. "We could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. So I get this Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographic location."

Rothschild beckons the manager to come over and whispers to him, "When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, then smell both the fingers. You will understand what difference a small distance in geographic location makes."

Memo around the office

The following is a story of how an "official" memo is being passed around hierarchy-ly in a company, from the Director to the staff.

From: Director - To: General Manager
"There will be a sun eclipse tomorrow morning, at nine. This is not an event that we can see everyday. To experience this occurance, all the staffs are to gather at the field with proper attire. I will explain this rare nature phenomenone. If it rains, however, we won't be able to see the eclipse, so let us gather in the canteen instead."
From: General Manager - To: Manager
"On Director's order, tomorrow at 9 am there will be a full sun eclipse. But if it rains, we won't be able to gather and see it in full attire. Therefore, the occurance of the missing sun will be explained by the Director in the canteen. This is not something that we can see everyday."

From: Manager - To: Supervisor
"According to the the Director's order, tomorrow we will see the sun gone in canteen, at 9 am, with proper attire. The Director will explain whether tomorrow will rain. This is not something we can see everyday"

From: Supervisor - To: Coordinator
"If it rains at the canteen tomorrow, it is something we cannot see everyday. The Director with proper attire, will dissappear at nine."

From: Coordinator - To: All staffs
"Tomorrow morning, gather at the canteen at nine, the Director will disappear. Too bad, we cannot see it everyday."

From: Staff to Staff
"It is better if he disappears..”

Bad break-up

One kiss

Girl to her boyfriend: "One kiss and I'll be yours forever."
The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warning."

Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'