Seal's pee

Cycling on the road

Don't and stop

MUM: Didn't I tell you if a stranger touches your breast say "DON'T". And if he touches your pussy say STOP!
GIRL: But mum, he touched both, so I told him DON'T STOP!!!!"

After death

Three friends die in a car accident, and upon their arrival to heaven, they are all asked, "When you are in your casket and family and friends are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first man says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second man says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last man replies, "I would like to hear them say, 'LOOK! HE'S MOVING!'"

A panty and a stage curtain

What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain?
Answer : When you pull down the stage curtain, show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME.

Going to heaven

Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first?
A Kid replied : The legs...because every night I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING".

Osama's Secret Code

After numerous rounds of attack, yet the statement made by the US government 'We don't even know if Osama Bin Laden is still alive', Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own hand writing to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it c ontained a single line of coded message: 370H-SSV-0773HBush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleeza Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, and then to MI6 in London.
Eventually they asked the Mossad (Israeli intelligence) for help.

Within a minute the Mossad emailed the White House with this reply:

"Tell the President he's holding the note upside down."